When time eats up all your reasons to be happy with your life you intend to think of something that would gain it back. When it seems like everything is drifting away and it consumes you until you lose your whole self, you keep trying to go back where the goodness started and live there until it feels real. We question ourselves why everything has to end in such a short time yet blame ourselves because it happened. You ask when and how did it start then suddenly your face gets filled with the painful tears brought by an annoying irritation. Your thoughts bother you because you couldn’t decide what you really need to do. You are searching for that one hope, that small streak of silver in the clouds on a stormy day just to get by all of what’s troubling you.
The feeling seems never ending. Nights become so long. The last thing on your mind is to move but you have to. Without you knowing it, your heart beats faster again and you notice that your chest is on panic. Closing your eyes may seem the best idea but the pain as you know it won’t leave any sooner. A silent cry comes out of your open mouth then disturbing moans are heard eventually. You can’t contain it any longer. Your eyes are puffy and your vision all covered up with salty pools of liquid. You wipe it off but the blurry vision appears again.
You stop for a while trying to collect your sanity. You are forcing yourself to avoid the relentless agony. You lie down and breathe. Still awake, you make an overwhelming sigh until you are back to one piece. You take charge of what’s left in you and you move. You move because you need to. You move because its the right thing to do. In a few hours your mind will be busy with the stuff in handy. The darkness is in your subconscious mind and it is almost forgotten. You treat yourself with a pint of ice cream and a cookie. You smile a little. You sigh again and try to ready yourself for more of the business on your desk.
You come home late and tired feeling sleepy. You try to relax, eat and shower afterwards. You take a sleeping pill and try to feel it covering your physical abilities. In the middle of your sleep, your body becomes restless and the subconscious attic starts to play. You open your eyes and see yourself in the midst of that semi-lit room. You try to sit and recover from the heavy state you’re in. When you look at the clock, you’ll find out that you have just slept in less than an hour and your body weakens again. You pat your pillow and head your way for another round of sleep. Unfortunately, its not happening. You get up. Take a glass of water from the fridge and drank. You look at the contents of your almost empty cooler then you remember the memories. You stared blankly at the amber light as if you had been stunned. Next thing you know the ice had all melted. You hurry up to wipe of the wet puddles on the floor. While in the process of sweeping the moisture left, another puddle forms on the area where it was dry. You surprisingly wipe of the puddle again and touched your cheeks finding out that the small drops of damp came from your eyes.
You came back to where your remorse had started. You recall his face. You see him smiling at you and hugging you. You feel him like he was real. You wrap yourself with your arms to keep the sensation happening. You tell yourself that it will be over soon. You repeat that a hundred times to yourself but the tears and pain become worse than ever. Your voice increases its volume. You are making loud cries but no one hears you. After an hour of desolate struggle, you pick yourself up and headed for the door. As you hold on the knob, you stood there and never intend to twist it. You decided to open the windows instead and let the cooling air come in. The white light stuns you.
You are stuck. You find your self caught up in a struggle with yourself. You are caged and hopeless. Its not going to end. You have made a figment of Underworld in your own world so long it becomes your lifestyle. The same thing happens to you unless you let it go – unless you accept that fact that there is nothing more from your past that you can recover. The emptiness diminishes your the life inside of you then eventually your soul dies. You muscles still flickers but your body stays like a mass. You are a puppet of your mind. It is numb and insensitive. You live now in a matrix of the madness you’re in.
Left alone, the lonely life starts now and forever. You will not move there unless you will take that enormous effort to break free. You are ghostly.
Let not the bitterness of truth consume you until you are lifeless instead let the truth set you free and be human again. Set your heart free. Live the life as it should be. Make mistakes but learn how to put them aside. Learn from that not dwell on that. Stop living in the past. It will not help you. Though you could use it, it doesn’t say that you live it. There is more to life and there is more to death.
Chances are roaming around. Options and opportunities are still waiting. Learn to say “what if” positively. Don’t break down. Break free! Remember that if all else fails, you don’t end up without a choice. You are your master and you are what you make yourself. Don’t let the impossible kill you its not worth it. Believe in what’s impossible then you find out you yourself are invincible.
Loneliness is just one road to knowing what life is all about and to realize how beautiful it is. You’ll master the essence of it. Make life happen. Start now!
I heard about the news.. I won’t tell anybody.. i promise…
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